Crush

At 3:30, as the school bus stops with a “sssss”, Ashley with her blond locks runs off the bus with a shriek. “Jonah licked me!”

Yesterday, we heard that Jonah kissed her. Today, he licked her. What’s going on? Well, my 5-1/2 year old boy has a crush on a brash blond in hot pink and animal prints. Loni Anderson with a thing for Carebears.

First day at SUNY-Binghamton in Freshman Lit, a boy in the next chair turns to me and asks with a grin, “Did you ever see frogs explode in a microwave?” Horrified, I turned away without saying a word. Later, I sat with my new dorm friends in the dining hall and told them about the strange boy’s remark. One guy, Chris, who ended up as a good friend throughout college, roared with laughter. “He LIKED you.”

Why? Why would my kid lick and disgust this girl? Why would the college boy disgust me with his frog-brain-splat story? What the hell is wrong with men?

As a mother with two boys, I’m often asked “are you going to try for the girl.” Sometimes they add a “poor thing,” I think because people generally assume that boys are harder than girls and that the boys will leave me high and dry once they ship off for college.

Actually, I’m quite happy to have boys. Please excuse the generalizations, but I think boys are easier and more suited to my personality. They are simpler. They don’t play mind games with me and rarely cry. They’re always up for trips to the mall and the city. Once they grow out of the wiggly stage, they follow me around like little puppies.

They might not be so devoted to me later in life, but they also won’t call with a rant about how I’ve destroyed their lives and hang up in tears.

So, I’ve been quite content with my two XYs, until I got that little jolt of reality today. I’m going to have to do a lot of reprogramming to get these little savages fit for the world of women.

I just went digging around the attic for Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions, but to no avail. We still haven't properly unpacked the library. Anne has a funny passage about how unsettling it was to learn that she was pregnant with a boy. Something about having an alien penis in her uterus freaked her out. Anyhow, I can't quote it right now because the books have been turned into dusty mountains for an electric train which snakes around them.

Comments

[timna]

Great image, that licking. UG!
I was so convinced that I had another girl with my second birth that I agreed to let my husband name him if it was a boy. In the family I grew up, there were girls. My mom and her twin sister had 10 girls between them with my one brother being the only male child.

But of course, I had a boy. And my husband came up with a name (yes, the midwife's son's name.. talk about unprepared!).

[Mike]

Funny story. Just don't forget that what makes those boys "savages" is also what makes them so endearing to you. It's the "boyness" that prevents them from being manipulative, emotional, and "simpler." Take away that "savagry" and you potentially end up with boys who cry to get your attention, manipulate you when the don't get their way, and decide to starve themselves as teenagers because they resent their childhood.

[dave s]

well, we had two boys, then tried for a girl and got one. All three wonderful. All different, but yes, the boys are more like each other than she is like either of them.

[Russell Arben Fox]

Good for Jonah! Compared to some stories which get passed around regarding childish behavior on school buses (most of which I dearly hope are urban legends), a lick comes in pretty low on the savage meter. Hopefully you won't have too much reprogramming on your hands.

I grew up surrounded by boys (six brothers, two sisters); given other dynamics in our family, it ended up being a very male household. I'm glad I have girls, though we still talk occasionally about having one more, and seeing if a son after three daughters would mix things up much. As it stands, I look forward to years of being a befuddled, foreign--and therefore I hope (in some perverse way) calming--presence in an otherwise emotionally fraught and feminine home. Everyone tells me I'll repent of this attitude and realize my dire situation once our oldest hits 12, but that gives me four more years of delusion, so I'm okay for now.

[Suzanne]

While I was pregnant, I dared not tell any living soul I desperately was wishing for a boy. If anyone asked, I'd say "Oh I don't care." But down deep, I really really wanted a boy. I feared it would never happen if I admitted it.

I had my boy. Wouldn't trade him for anything.
Enjoy yours, odd licks and all. :)