The Google Stage

I dropped off Ian at pre-school at 9:15. I gave him a kiss and told him to be a big boy. He returned to happily shoveling sand into a blue bucket. I tore over to a Panera’s for a peaceful hour out of the house with the laptop. It was a welcome moment of normality during this strange and stressful week.

The school administrators have finally gotten off their lazy asses and begun the grueling testing regimen of Ian that must occur before they assume responsibility for his speech therapy. I began the paperwork for this process back in December and it may be May before he actually starts receiving any services. The administrators don’t seem to be counting pennies, trying to withhold expensive services from my kid. Their slowness seems to be coming from a resistance to hurrying themselves with paperwork and meetings. They feel sorry for themselves their workload has doubled; there is a sharp increase of kids needing help in Northern New Jersey.

Could there be a correlation to 9/11? All these kids were in utero when their mothers were experiencing a major surge in stressful hormones. It’s a possibility.

We finally got the administrators to get the process going, and the next two weeks are going to involve making my kid jump through all sorts of hoops.

On Monday morning, it was the neurologist. His speech delay is the most obvious problem, but the diagnosis is elusive. The neurologist explained that speech delays don’t just happen on their own. There are always other problems that travel with it. What other problems are in this carpool of dysfunction? It’s not clear.

Perhaps it apraxia, which means that the brain is not well connected to the mouth. He knows what to say, but has trouble getting it out. But he shows no signs of the other problems that go along with apraxia: low muscle tone, late walking, trouble eating.

Perhaps it is hyperlexia, which is similar to high functioning autism. Kids with this disability have trouble processing auditory information, but have superabilities processing information visually and are obsessed with numbers and letters. Typically, they are early readers. Ian has started reading and is brilliant on the computer. But kids with this problem have very poor social skills, and he’s functioning okay in a regular pre-school.

She thought that Ian had a very good prognosis because of his gentle personality and his high level of intelligence. By five, he should be talking normally. She wants to see him in another 6 months to see what turns up in his carpool of disorder.

After the morning with the neurologist, Steve and I googled disorders and disabilities until late at night. This maniacal googling is a new stage of grief. After denial and before resignation, comes the google stage.

The neurologist was adamant that Ian had to be in a special education pre-school next year to get him on track quickly. He also needs to interact with peers with the same cognitive level, so he’s also has to be in a regular pre-school. Two pre-schools means I’m going to have to be a chauffeur for two years. Two hours here and three hours there. Not enough time to teach a class at the local college.

I’m relieved to finally have a sense of what my parenting responsibilities are going to be next year. I’ve been wavering about returning to academia and finding a more flexible profession like freelance writing. Ian has made the decision for me.

Comments

[Tamar]

I remember the Google stage very well. Even four years ago, it was a boon for denial-slipping-into-shocked-awareness. What a perfect coinage!

(I still think hyperlexia is extremely unlikely. FWIW.)

[the s-i-l]

Well, I think my nephews are the most wonderful little boys and with such an intelligent, loving and concerned set of parents both Ian and Jonah will turn out perfectly. Google is a blessing and a curse because with the information at your fingertips comes a mountain of worry. We would be more than happy to take the boys off your hands for a few hours next week.

[Ancarett]

Resarching madly is a skill that we share. It helps to be armed with as much information as possible, especially since I firmly believe that even specialists sometimes lose sight of the details.

Good luck with the preschool plans. I know that we were fortunate to have Childcare Resources, here, provide our preschool with training, extra staff and release time to ensure that they could fully support autistic youngest with her speech and OT therapy needs. She's now more than 50% mainstreamed in 3rd grade in a super, supportive school environment.

[Elizabeth]

How old is Ian again?

I'm strongly reacting to the neurologist's statement that speech delays "just don't happen on their own." Because as far as I can tell, they did for my son. Ok, he probably has mild sensory integration issues, but they don't interfere with his life (as long as we don't try to take a beach vacation).

[Eve]

Ahh! I am very familiar with the Google Stage - I often remain stuck in it for weeks or days, but it seems like you're moving on nicely.

[Eve]

Oh! I'm new to your blog, and like it, and just added a link from mine.

[Russell Arben Fox]

I remember Googling everything we could find on colic with Alison a year ago or so--what a different experience from when Megan was colicky, and all we did was ask friends, family, neighbors, complete strangers, etc., for advice. I'd like to think it made us more confident, but perhaps not.

I can sympathize with the relief which comes in finally knowing what kind of schedule and expectations life has in store for you. They say no news is good news, but I often disagree; I'd rather know what's in front of me, even if it's hard to take, then be in the dark.

Thanks so much for keeping us up to date about Ian, Laura. All our prayers and best wishes are with you both, always.

[Dr. Manhattan]

9/11 stress in utero?
Compared to some of what gets bandied about re: autism causes, that sounds quite reasonable. (And you've already offered up more valid scientific evidence than in most autism-cause theories..you'll be hearing A LOT more from me about this, with the upcoming publication of David Kirby's book "Evidence of Harm.")

[Dr. Manhattan]

Sorry for going off topic - it's good that things are moving a bit. I agree that if Ian is doing well socially, autism & related disorders are unlikely.
And the Google stage doesn't always go away - it may slip into latency, but is prone to flaring up at any time.

[Lisa Williams]

God bless you, it made me tired and stressed to just read this. I have two little children, 1 and 3, and parenting without unusual things happening is exhausting. I hope for good things to happen to you and new resources and energy become available to you as you and your husband embark on this.