Weekend Journal

Excuse me, while I have a minor identity breakdown.

My job ended. The summer research project is finished. The kids are in school. I don't have to prepare for class or grade papers. The kids won't be home for another four hours.

I have no idea what I should do.

For the past ten years, Steve and I have been frantically raising kids and working and digging ourselves out of the poverty of grad school. I have never had this blank block of time before, and it's freaking me out.

Well, I have some ideas of what I should do with this time.

My goal for the year is to write a book. I'm not sure which book it is going to be yet.  I also have a couple of writing projects that could be revised, but I haven't decided if they should be written for an academic audience or a mainstream audience.. I really do need a block of time to think strategically and not just grab the first opportunity that comes my way in an over-caffeinated panic.

I could tackle home projects, like printing out three years of photographs or painting the basement, but all that sounds very boring, and I'm not sure what is the priority.

I also want to get Ian fully mainstreamed, so we're stepping up the therapy sessions and starting ADHD meds, which shall henceforth be known as the applesauce, since the capsules are opened and sprinkled over applesauce in the morning. All that takes time. And I want to really enjoy Jonah, who is already starting to pull away from us and become a teenager.

All this time is actually a very good thing, but I haven't adjusted yet. If I use my time correctly, I'll have a book, well adjusted children, and an organized house. If I can't keep myself on a schedule, I could end up working at Pottery Barn to keep my marbles. Perhaps I need to sample the applesauce.

Comments

[Julie G.]

You know, Laura, these are really critical questions and obviously important. But more important than anything YOU might be going through is what this all means for ME. So if you work at Pottery Barn, can you share your discount?

[laura]

Absolutely! Do you want the sofa in cranberry or sage?

[Amy P]

"...like printing out three years of photographs"

We went through 4 or 5 years of digital photos over last Thanksgiving, as well as producing Walgreens and Walmart-produced photobooks for the grandparents, etc. for Christmas. You're probably way busy during Thanksgiving (although it's perfect timing for Christmas), but I suggest at least waiting for inclement weather. Once you get the hang of it, doing photobooks online is a big time saver. I loved being able to type in captions with names, places, and dates. I'm hoping that if we do it every year at Thanksgiving, the job won't ever become unmanageable.

I've still got a daunting box of physical photographs (who are these people?) to put in albums, as well as a perhaps unrealistic plan to label photos in existing albums.

[Laura/Geekymom]

Um, you've just described most of my days. I don't yet get up and say in a perky tone, "Well, what am I going to now?" Instead I think, "What the fuck am I going to do with myself?" I, too, am working on a long neglected book project and well, it's going okay so far. At least I'm writing for at least an hour a day, but I think a lot of it is crap. I'm dealing with that later. I can't focus on writing for too long. I think the longest stretch I've ever done was about 3 hours. Today I have to drop a bunch of crap off at a donation center, go to the grocery store and maybe, get in a walk. I think the walk's gonna disappear because one kid will be home by the time I get back from the grocery store, and I have to wait for the phone call to pick up the other one shortly after that. Sigh. And all that sounds really boring. I do have books to read, but without a real purpose.

Eh, just commiserating, I guess.

[bj]

You need to find a stay-at-home mom buddy. From what I can tell, they have no problem at all filling their hours, with important stuff they want to do.

I think what's confusing, when you're leaving paid employment is that the pay itself sets priorities -- the work has to get done, and then the most immediate needs. When pay doesn't set the priorities, you have to figure out which matters more based on your own priorities, not the economic market's -- printing pictures or painting the basement (or whatever).

Regarding pictures: I am a fairly serious photographer, and these days my albums are almost all electronic. I like www.smugmug.com for that. You upload as many picts as you want, and password protect them. If friends/family want to buy prints, they can buy them themselves. My kids view the pictures on the computer, too.

(and, no, I don't work for smugmug).

(So, I put printing pictures at a pretty low priority).

[jen]

Eons ago when I worked at Accenture we were all put thru mandatory time management training, focused around the "4 quadrants" concept. The quadrants were combinations of urgent/not urgent and important/not important. We actually had a term for what you're experiencing now: it was called the "quadrant bends", the disorienting experience of going from total crisis mode (quadrant 1) to having everything utterly calm with no clear next move (quadrant 4). Much like scuba-diving bends, the fix was to somehow put yourself into a different quadrant for a while, to make the transition less severe. This was usually done by self-imposing a mid-term deadline. (Basically, making up a project to fill about two weeks, with a clear and definite outcome. In other words, I'm arguing for painting the basement.)

All I can say is, I'm jealous! Blocks of free time are a rare and precious thing. Especially that you're able to get this extra time free while your kids are still fairly young!

[bj]

PS: 4 hours a day is nothing. I think the key thing, really, is to figure out the long term priority that won't get done if there isn't time for it, and make sure that you set aside time for that, as you would a job. In your case, that's the book, no? If that's your priority.

And then, there's my plan: that you run for local office, then senate, and then become our first woman president. I can support that with confidence now that I know your progressive index score :-)

[Doug]

Why not write a book proposal instead of a book? Your friend Suze can probably get a bunch for you to look at. Shop that around instead of spending a lot more time actually writing the book. If somebody wants to buy it (or an agent wants to rep it), then go ahead and complete the manuscript. While it's out there, write another book proposal.

Or you can do what various Big Names(tm) do/have done and write a cracking good article that is, in effect, your book proposal. Is the book-length version of "The End of History" any better than the article? Does anybody even know? Or indeed care?

I'm with Julie on the Pottery Barn thing. What's their shipping policy for the Caucasus? (Not really a war zone for a whole year now! Soon to feature one fewer closed border!)

[MH]

Eons ago when I worked at Accenture we were all put thru mandatory time management training, focused around the "4 quadrants" concept.

I now feel I have a better understanding of how they missed Enron's troubles. I'm underpaid and required to attend many ridiculous trainings, but I am comforted that none co-workers use consultant-speak with a straight face. In a previous job, I did have a boss refer to me as a 'resource', but when I laughed he apologized.

[laura]

Hey, that's exactly the writing plan, Doug. Did I blog about this or great minds and all? The great thing about writing mainstream books is that you only have to do one chapter, an outline, a market plan, and a proposal. The other great thing about mainstream books is that you actually get paid for them. I have two or three good ideas and several so-so ideas.

I need to settle my brain first. I have to make the transition from crisis thinking as Jen says to normal thinking mode. Got the bends right now.

I rethinking Pottery Barn though. I like the sofas better in Crate and Barrel.

[bj]

I liked Jen's description and "bends" too. It's the feeling you get when any major project is done (i.e. thesis, major paper, etc.). How to start the next thing? The idea of a concrete, limited duration project as a transition break seems like it might work, too.

Hmh, unlike MH, I actually thought Jen's information was potential proof that "mandatory time management training" and its ilk was not all hooey.

[bj]

Accenture (and the SEC) and everyone else misses stuff like Enron (and Madoff) because the incentives are set up for them to miss it. What exactly would the reward for bringing down Lay or Madoff have been, before they first fell of their pedestals?

[Amy P]

"You need to find a stay-at-home mom buddy."

My youngest just started 3 days a week of pre-K, and time management is a big issue for those 3 days. It's simpler on a day (like today) when I've got a kid or two home sick, since that provides a built-in schedule. I'm still working out what I should do when the kids are both in school. As always, the internet beckons. My current thinking is: 1. 5 or 6 small non-routine things (i.e. laundry doesn't count) 2. nap and 3. gym. 3 has not happened very frequently yet, but it's on my mental list. I think that if 10 AM-11 AM is spent productively, the whole day has been a success.

"Or you can do what various Big Names(tm) do/have done and write a cracking good article that is, in effect, your book proposal."

That's exactly right.

[MH]

Hmh, unlike MH, I actually thought Jen's information was potential proof that "mandatory time management training" and its ilk was not all hooey.

Like when somebody tells me that light in the night sky is a UFO, I can but reply "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof."

[jen]

Sorry, MH, but it was *Arthur Andersen* that failed to properly audit Enron. The entity that eventually became Accenture broke off from AA in 1989. And as bj duly noted, they basically knew what was happening, they just failed to report it because of incentive structures.

And I really am arguing for a drummed-up short-term deadline. I think it would help Laura with her self-described identity breakdown.

[bj]

OK Laura. We demand that you paint your basement in two weeks, and post before and after pictures, appropriately time-stamped.

:-)

[MH]

Jen, proving that my time management skills are horrible, I googled to check. I had thought that Accenture was the consulting arm of Arthur Andersen at the time of Enron. I didn't realize it had already split from Andersen Consulting a decade before and grown a whole different consulting arm.

[Amy P]

Here's a pie-in-the-sky suggestion. Find somebody similarly situated (with a loose schedule and something to paint) and join forces. She can help you on your project, you can help her with hers. If it's in the calendar and someone is coming over to help, it will happen. Or if finding free help isn't practical, post an ad at a local college and hire an unskilled helper for $10-$15 an hour. Even if they do nothing but sit on the sofa and say "Go, Laura!" it will be motivating to know you're paying them.

[Doug]

I'm glad you liked the proposal thinking, Laura. I was a little worried that it was overly mercenary and cynical about publishing. Industry full of mostly lovely people, but structural issues out the yin-yang.

Whatever ideas you're chasing, you should also hit up your contacts to see if you can look at catalogs of upcoming titles, or maybe Publishers Weekly (Is there really no apostrophe anywhere in their title? The web site says no, but my inner copy editor cringes.) has something you can check/track. Because what you write now -- unless it's an instabook of some sort -- hits the market in 2012 if all goes very, very well. God forbid you should get scooped.

[Wendy]

I get summers off and I have no publishing pressure, so I generally spend the first two weeks of June, at least, in a state of absolute panic that resembles your current panic.

Please, whatever you do, make sure to give yourself a set time that is *your* time, for work or whatever. I basically pissed away this entire summer doing things for other people, and all I have to show for it is a broken ankle (24 more days with the hard cast).